if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
