Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
