I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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