If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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