Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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