Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
