Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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