Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
