Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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