You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize