In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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