Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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