what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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