i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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