Your dad touched me again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
