it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
