Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
