i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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