So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
