you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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