Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That accounts for only three of the penises
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
