Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
