i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
