Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I won't apologize to a one balled man
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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