Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
