dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
