why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
