Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
