So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize