I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
