I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
