The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dear god my vagina.
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