I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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