When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
