the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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