Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
