Nicole vs. Life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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