Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
...so i touched it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
