Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
