I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
