dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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