The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
