The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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