there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
