I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
