i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
