I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
