[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
