She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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