Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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