just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
where does the pee come out of this thing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
