Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
