I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
