She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
