just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
