The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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