My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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