Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
