I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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