Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
