Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
