seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
