Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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