i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
