I feel great
I just peed on a car
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
