Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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