I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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