Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
