My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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