some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
