i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
