k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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