she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
