So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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