um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
jump out the window naked night went bad
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
