We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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