his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hippo gnu deer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
