i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
