and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
