Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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