All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
