He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my phone needs a breathalizer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
