he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
