So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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