My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
