Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
